She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
