I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
