ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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