there were more penises there than on chat roulette
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
