Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
