I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
