Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
