You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
