you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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