You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
