Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
