I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
