you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
