So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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