Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
