I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
