So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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