at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
