About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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