Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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