We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
