Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
honey bunches of taint.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
