How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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