I could have mohawked her pubes.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
