When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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