I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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