how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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