sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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