Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
