I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
