why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
only if we run a train.
done.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sober January is a disaster.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
