Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
