Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
