So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
