How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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