I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
