Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am available for nakedness
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
