I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
