Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
