why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
