Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
