My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
