I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
