just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
