20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
