if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
