i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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