Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
