Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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