Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
