just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
