don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
